What To Do After You're Done Making "C-Rate" Movies?

So today's post is about something i came across on PerezHilton.com earlier today. Hot-off-the-press, you can now go party with American Pie babe, Tara Reid, if you're going to be in the Chicago area. Reid will be hosting her very own "Bikini Beach 2008" party on Friday, June 27th. Doors open at 9, and a ticket will run you 10 dollars (you can purchase your ticket here at http://www.wantickets.com/affiliates/affiliate_event_detail.asp?e_id=41760&id=454 ).

Personally, while Tara Reid def is a babe, there is no way you would see me dropping 10 bucks for cover to go check this out, even if I was in the Chicago area. Honestly, if you think you're going to have the chance to "party" with Tara by going to this thing, you're out of your mind. But if I haven't convinced you yet that it'll be lame, let me give you a rundown of how your night could possibly turn out at the Bikini Beach Party...

9:00- you and your friends show up lookin all fly (if you're girls...then looking as slutty as possible, probably to show Tara up). Why are you showing up at 9? Because you think this place is going to be packed like hell because of C-rate Tara Reid. Even though doors open at 9, the bouncers still don't let anyone in to make it look like the club is all exclusive and shit.
Total Money Spent: 10 Dollars

9:30- Finally, you get into the club and scout the place out. You head to the bar and purchase your first 7-dollar Vodka-Tonic (Crantini if you're a lady). Why Vodka drinks? If you've ever been to these types of clubs, you know that no one drinks beer...ever.
Total Money Spent: 18 Dollars (don't forget to tip)

9:31- After chugging your first vodka drink with your friends because you're set on this night being the best night of your life, head back to the bar for round 2.
Total Money Spent: 26 Dollars

10:00- The club is starting to fill up and now you're ready to mingle. If you're a guy, you start giving every girl you can the "sex-eye", and every girl who happens to make eye contact with you makes you think they want to bang you out. You approach 2 different groups of girls and ask them to dance, only to get turned down because of that one ugly dude rolling in your entourage. (Note: If you're a girl...the same thing applies, except you are the one doing the rejecting and getting your freak on with your lady friends).
Total Money Spent: 26 Dollars, however, there is confidence lost, which could be worse than money.

11:00- After getting rejected several times and downing 2 more Vodka-Tonics, you start to get tipsy. A girl across the club notices you getting liquored-up, and makes her way over to you. You, now ecstatic over the idea of a girl talking to you, make the "Where's your drink" comment and she responds with the casual, "The bar was too crowded " remark. You, now wanting to be her hero, grab her hand, take her to the bar, and get her Crantini and another Vodka-Tonic for yourself. Bad Move.
Total Money Spent: 58 Dollars

11:02- After talking with you for 2 minutes, the girl says she needs to go to the bathroom or go find her friends (you take your pick). After realizing you've just been played, you purchase another drink to make your embarrassment and now extremely low confidence go away.
Total Money Spent: 66 Dollars

Midnight: You've met back up with your friends and you're drunk out of your mind. Finally, the moment everyone has been waiting for...Miss Tara Reid makes an appearance. She heads to the bar, pours some liquor down some lucky girl's throat, and then is surrounded by 5- 6 foot 2 bouncers. Since she's about 5 foot 5, she might as well not be there.
Total Money Spent: Still 66 Dollars, thank god

1 AM: You've given up on girls and told yourself you just wanted to get drunk tonight anyways. You buy your last Vodka-Tonic and drink a fourth of it before forgetting where you put it down. Your friends are now all drunk also, and you guys get bounced after your one friend pukes on the floor. You grab a taxi home, pass out, and forget the night even happened.
Total Money Spent: 92 Dollars (8 for the last drink, 20 for the cab)

So a night with Tara Reid costs about 92 dollars, and you saw her for 10 seconds. Is it worth it? Here are 3 other, cooler, things you could have done with that 92 dollars.
1. Buy 92 Songs off Itunes
2. Buy 9-30 packs of Natty from Shoppers
3. Buy a 3- 6 foot Subway Subs for yourself

But who I am to tell you how to spend your money? Enjoy your Wednesday